Confessions

I have recently finished a couple of Mark Driscoll's books and the latest one that I read was Confessions of a Reformission Reverend. Throughout this book he goes through many of the mistakes that he and inevitably his church made during their first several years in Seattle. After reading through this book I began to think about my own journey to where I am in my life right now and realize that there have been many many huge mistakes that I have made over the past several years. Some of these mistakes have ruined friendships and relationships and others have been so bad that those effected have never spoken or listened to me since. After going through many of these events that have led to where I am in my life right now I can narrow down the major factor of most of these things as a problem with my source. By source, I simply mean where/what I rely on to provide my joy and to feed me spiritually. Over the years I have relied on my friendships and relationships to provide the joy, happiness, and fulfillment that only comes from Christ, and inevitably this has led to heartbreak, broken friendships, sadness, anger, bitterness, lust, etc. I relied so much on those other things, that I completely forgot about the joy and the fulfillment of my soul that only Christ provides. The problem with relying on these things is that they will let you down. No matter what promises are made, your friendships and relationships will always disappoint you, but you have to look beyond those and find the true source which is God. By completely devoting myself to my friendships and relationships I left God out of the picture and thought that other people would suffice for something that only God can fulfill, and these things became idols to me.

In terms of being fed spiritually I have realized that I relied on other people again to provide this for me. For instance, recently I have relied on the church and my discipleship to feed me. While these things are great and definitely help to provide for part of that, they cannot be the sole thing that is feeding you spiritually. If you are going into the church or into discipleship hoping that you are going to "get something out of it" then you are relying too much on those things to feed you. You must look beyond them and find the ultimate Source. You should be mature in your faith enough to be able to feed yourself. Stop looking to the church and to discipleship to spoon feed you spiritually! Grow up and realize that you are going to have to do some work on your own in order to grow closer to God. Nobody else can strengthen your relationship other than YOU! You are going to have to get your hands dirty, get on your knees and pray to God to provide for all of your needs and to instill in you a passion for His word and a desire to grow in Him so that others may also find Him, read the Bible so that you will be able to rely on His word in times of struggle, and simply spend time with Him.

The previous two things have been a couple of the biggest struggles of mine over the past couple years and even over the past months and weeks. My confessions are simple, I am a sinner, I have relied on other things/idols to provide for things that only God can provide and I have relied on other people to build up my spiritual life when in reality that has to begin with me. The words that I have written are written to myself, they are things that I have been convicted of. Hopefully others will be able to avoid the traps of Satan that I fell into and will be able to grow up take their lives (physically, spiritually, and eternally) and give it to God and rely on Him to be the one and only Source of all things. Do you need to confess?