Wish

Have you ever wished that you could just push the rewind button and go back? I've thought about this quite a bit and there are a few things that I continually wish for. The first, most selfish thing that I've wished for is to be with somebody, which is not uncommon for most people. Unfortunately, this longing and wishing hinders me from completely letting go and allowing and trusting God to do what he has promised. The other things that I have wished for is to just rewind life and go back, maybe do things different. Mainly take advantage and open my eyes to the opportunities that God has provided me. There are several things that I have missed out on because I was either too stubborn or too afraid, of what I don't know. The other thing I wish I could rewind to do is to go back to the days of Jesus and to walk with him and witness the miracles he performed. The one thing that I wish I could see the most is the passion that those who followed him had! I think it would cool to rewind and go side by side with some of the apostles like Paul, who was so passionate about Christ that he gave his life for him spreading his name! That would be awesome!! Or how about imagine walking with Jesus and learning from him in person? How amazing would that be?!?! Guess what...we can still walk with him today! The gift of the Holy Spirit has been given to us and Christ has taken my body and made it his own! There is nothing else that I could wish for than to have the Savior living instead of me. What have you wished for?

Life

On this day we celebrate the birth and the life of our Savior, Jesus the Christ! This day is one of the most important days ever, because God fulfilled the covenant that he made and sent his one and only Son as THE Savior for all people! For this I am eternally grateful and have submitted my life for him and his kingdom. If only the latter was that simple! Unfortunately, temptations and just plain old selfishness hinder me from total submission. Life, it wasn't mine to begin with, so I offer it back to the one whom gave it as a living exclamation of the savior who's life began this day and was taken 33 years after, and was restored 3 days later!! Even when things seem to be going downhill, or not the way you would have thought they would, or when you are just being impatient or selfish remember the joy and the gift of life that was given to you from the Father who through his son we have eternal life. For those who believe and follow Jesus, life will never be easy, but rejoice in the sufferings and the persecutions for Christ endured all and overcame them! Rely on the savior that was given to us this day, for the taking of his life is what provided us with ours! Life, is it still yours?

That's a lot of rock

I was riding in the car today on the way to Ohio and listening to Shane and Shane (amazing) and I was looking out the window and all I saw was mountains, which I have seen may times before. I know what you're thinking, big deal you saw some mountains out the window, very few haven't. Well I began to think about how in several songs we sing about how God can move the mountains. I never really thought about that until today when I was staring at mountains and thought to myself, "wow, that's a whole lot of rock!" Most of us struggle picking up a large stone (for me it's more like a boulder HAHA), but God can move mountains! How emphatically awesome is that! God is so powerful that he can do anything even move a massive rock fixture that we can merely gaze at in awe. God can do anything he wants, whether ordinary or extraordinary, he can do it no matter what. The latter is a statement that seems to come as simple basic knowledge, yea God can do anything, anywhere, anytime, but what gets me is how so often we try to limit or even dare to define God's power and other attributes. There are times when I think that I can do anything and that I don't need anybody, and then God steps in and reminds me that I am literally dirt and that he is the Almighty! There have even been times when I/we have tried to define how powerful God is by using our own human limitations. How absurd does that sound, honestly? Trying to put God in a box and say that he can or cannot do something. This can be applied to pretty much every attribute of God and so many times we try to limit him to our finite being. We can by no means define or limit any attribute of God, for through him we learn all things. He is in ultimate dominion, and gives us dominion through Christ to the ends of the earth. God is the Almighty One and nothing we can say or do will ever limit him in any way! That is something to take joy in and to rejoice in always! Are you trying to limit God's attributes?

Forgiven

There's nothing you can do to make God love you any more or any less! This is something that our pastor J.D. Greear tells us and himself a lot. That statement is just very powerful when you think about it. I cannot do anything to earn God's love or make him love me any more than he already does. Even better than that, I cannot do anything to make him love me any less. No matter what happens God will love me the same. While he hates sin, he loves us, his creation! He has forgiven us of our sins when he sent his Son to be crucified as the ultimate sacrifice on the cross! All we have to do is confess our sins and die to ourselves so that we may gain Christ, which is eternal life! This is something that I have to remind myself of daily because my mind just cannot grasp it. I do not understand why God forgives me when I sin over and over again. I can't comprehend this because I am not God whom is Love, and whom sheds his grace over all of us. He will continue to forgive us of our sins, but it should pain us just as much as it pains Him! If we sin and it has no effect on us, per say guilt, or even a broken heart, then we are living in unrepentant sin. But, the best thing has happened, God has already forgiven us! We are forgiven, no matter what God will love you no more and no less! This example is how we are suppose to forgive others, we should forgive before they even do anything to harm us. Have you been forgiven?

Scars

Scars, everybody has one, whether it be physical or psychological/emotional, you've got one. At church this morning and tonight Carl Cartee and his band were playing and one of his songs says something along the lines, "He[Jesus] bears eternal scars." This line got me thinking about the scars in my life. As many of my friends know, I have several physical scars that came from playing sports or having surgeries or just playing around. Those are the easy to deal with scars, as in yea I was doing something stupid, or this was from some cool accident/sport related thing. But, then I thought about the scars in my life that aren't so much fun to think about. Everybody has one of these scars in their life. It could have been a loss of somebody close/in your family, or maybe a divorce, or (one that seems to effect many) a broken heart. We've all had to come to terms with these scars and determine how they will effect our lives. For me, yea I've lost several people in my life and I've had my heart broken and I've watched my friends throw their lives away, but these scars are within me to make me stronger and to strengthen my trust and my faith in Christ. Several years ago I had the privilege to go to Mission Fuge at Charleston, SC. While we were there we cleaned up around an apartment complex and all throughout their woods and such and we got cut up by all the briers. I got to thinking about this and I have used this in some of the devotions I've led before, but if you take those cuts, scrapes, and bruises and put them all together, they don't come close to those that Jesus endured for our sin. To bring it all back together, Jesus the Christ endured all these beatings for our salvation, to forgive us of our sins and he now bears eternal scars as a reminder to what we as sinners deserve. So, my scars, compared to those of Christ, I count them but rubbish in knowing the surpassing value of His scars that once shed blood for my sins. What scars do you have?

Grace

Have you ever thought about salvation and how we receive it? I began thinking about salvation and how we are saved by grace alone. The latter sounds so simple, doesn't it? We always hear and usually preach that we are saved by grace and by grace alone. Unfortunately, many will miss this simplicity because while we might say that grace is sufficient, we make it so much more difficult. I am ever so guilty of making salvation about so much more than grace. We sing so many songs about how it's only grace, only love, only mercy and believe me it's enough. This is what we need to be preaching. We are supposed to be telling people that it is by grace alone that we have been saved and that it is God's grace that is sufficient for life! I hope that through my actions and through my words that others may witness God's grace in and through me. Personally experiencing grace is an inexplicable thing. I have been saved by grace through faith in the living Christ and the fact that God sent Him, His only SON to die and to be the ultimate sacrifice for my sins! God's grace has rained down upon us more than we can even imagine. By experiencing His grace we have been given the example and are able to and told to show grace to others. God's grace has already been given to us through the sacrifice of Jesus the Christ who was slain to forgive our sins. Therefore, we are called to exhibit grace upon others. How have you experienced grace?

Lost...

I have listened to the following song over and over again for a time period I will not say because basically I had nothing to do besides listen. Anyways, I have been going through some things as you may have read in my other entries, but this song just encapsulates the entirety of my situation. The lyrics to this song have been my prayer as I cry out to the Lord for guidance. I have been so lost in life lately that I have had no clue what I was doing and I have been unfair to those around me. Even though I know that I have done the right thing, I feel like a jerk, like I have done something wrong, and it pains my heart. Therefore, I cry to the Lord, whom alone gives me peace and comfort. I cry aloud and He hears my voice. Lord take my hand and lead me on...What is love that it might show me grace?

"I don't have all the answers. I don't even have a clue. I am in the same predicament, the same as you. Caught in a landslide between self and selflessness. The sacrifice don't come easy, I must let go of me. What is love, that it might take my place? What is love, that it might show me grace? Show me some grace. I get lost in my thoughts, between right and wrong. My mind is always playing tricks on me, making it hard for me to believe. Which leads me to one conclusion, that I must let go of me. Lay myself on down, lay myself at His feet. What is love, that it might take my place? What is love, that it might show me some grace? Yes, what is love, that it might take my hand? Yes, what is love, that it might take my hand? Take my hand and lead me home. Take my hand and lead me on. Lead me on. Lead me on. Won't you lead me on? Won't you lead me on? Won't you lead me on? Won't you lead me on? Lead me on. Lead me on..."

~Shawn McDonald - Lead Me On~

Arms Opened Wide

Lately I have felt this need to just be held in the arms of God and feel His loving comfort. For some reason, I just feel like breaking down and bursting out! I get tired of hearing people talk about be a man, men don't cry, we're men we don't need anybody else...Truth is, you aren't a man until you realize that you do need somebody, until you become broken and cry out for the Lord! I think about the times as a child when I was hurt or troubled, I would go and jump into my mother's or father's arms and they would hold me and tell me everything will be ok. The comfort, the soothing that was felt is truly like nothing else. It is something that I miss, I miss being able to just jump into their arms and just let it all out! Now, I jump into the arms of my heavenly Father and He holds me tight, telling me that He is in control, not to worry because Christ has overcome all! "Evening, morning, and at noon will I pray and CRY ALOUD: and he shall hear my voice" ~Psalm 55:17~. Through everything I have learned to seek the arms of not only my parents, but now in times away from them, the arms of my heavenly Father. He will hold on forever so long as you remain in Him! Don't be too stubborn or conceited to think that you don't need anybody or that you can't be broken! I don't have all the answers, I don't even have a clue, I am in the same predicament, the same as you, caught in a landslide between self and selflessness; the sacrifice doesn't come easy, I must let go of me; what is love that it might take my place, what is love that it might show me grace. Are you seeking His open arms?

Give Me Ears to Hear

I was thinking earlier today about some things in my life and I realized that most of the time my ears are closed when others are trying to give me some advice or are just looking out for me. It's funny how I never realize that they were right or were looking out for me until it is too late. I was talking to one of my friends earlier and was asking for some advice when I realized that they had already given it to me weeks ago, but I just refused to listen and now I have to deal with the choices that I have made. I hate the fact that I can be so stubborn to think that I don't need anyone's help or advice especially when I get irritated when my friends don't listen to my advice! Talk about being a hypocrite! So often I pray to have ears to hear, but I always prayed for open ears for God's word. I guess I never thought that God's word could simply come from some friends looking out for me. I pray for others to have ears to hear the Word, but I now realize that it doesn't always have to come from my pastor, campus minister or straight from the bible, but that it can simply come from my friends trying to help out. Are your ears still closed?

Grudge

I was reading 2 Timothy the other day and I am just in awe of how much Christ changed Paul's life! Something particular that Paul wrote stuck out and I have continually run it over in my mind. The verse is 2 Timothy4:16, "A my first defense no one supported me, but all deserted me; may it not be counted against them." This simple verse means so much. When Paul first began to preach the name of Jesus those closest to him deserted and left him. Here Paul is praying that this will not be counted against them. I wish I had the attitude and humility that Paul portrays here through Christ. Instead of holding a grudge against those who left him and possibly persecuted him, he prays for them and hopes that it will not be held against them in the end. There have been so many times in my life that somebody has wronged me or straight up deserted me and I have held that against them. With Christ dwelling within me, following His example through Paul, I let go of those grudges and pray that it will not be counted against them in the eyes of Christ. Those who have been forgiven much, love and forgive much! Since Christ died for me and became the ultimate sacrifice by which my sins are forgiven, I am called through Him to forgive others as they trespass against me. Have you forgiven?

Where I Was...

After listening and reading several peoples' stories and things that they are thankful for, most of them have a common them/thing, which is a new life in Christ. This got me thinking about my life now that Christ lives compared to the life I was living on my own and where I was and where I would be today. Before I truly gave up my life to Christ, I was completely blinded and submerged and dead in sin. My life was going nowhere, and it was full of sin. The few months/years that stand out the most to me are my last two years of high school. During high school I professed to be a Christian, even though I had no idea what it meant to truly live a Christian life. Yes, I believed in Jesus and claimed Him as Savior, but no I did not devote my life to Him and surrender to His will. Anyways, the life I was living was shameful. The relationship I was in was not edifying, and turned into a relationship based off of and reliant on physicality and physical pleasures, which ultimately tore us apart. From there I found alcohol, which I had sworn I would never touch. For about a month or so alcohol was my safe haven. Anyways, if God would not have intervened and placed Caswell, my family and my Caswell family in my life then I would have continued to spiral downhill and I am afraid to think about where I would be today. Honestly, I would probably still be at Carolina, but I would be one of those college guys that is in school mainly for the drinking and the girls. Thankfully God is an awesome God and by His grace and by faith he saved my life and tore me apart so that Christ took over my life and has completely changed me. Yes, there are hardships and trials and temptations that I have to deal with daily, but I no longer have to worry or stress over them because it is not my life! How awesome is God that he takes a sinner like myself and turns me into a God fearing man that lives for Christ! I write these things to boast for Christ, not for myself and to just show that everyone has a story no matter where you are, believer or not, you have a story. Are you telling your story?

God Bless You

Anybody ever think about why we say "God Bless You" after somebody sneezes? I don't know why, but for some reason I think about these things and am interested to know the reason behind it. So I looked up a few things on the internet to try to figure out why it is that it has become a common response to a sneeze. The most common answer for this is that during the bubonic plague, sneezing was thought to be the first sign of the plague. Therefore, when people would sneeze, others would ask God to bless them in order to halt the onset of the disease. So people would see/hear somebody sneeze and they would ask God to heal them, basically they were praying for their friends, family, and strangers! This old source of a quick prayer/blessing has become an English custom and has lost its value/true meaning. Do we really know that we are asking God to bless a person that sneezes? I didn't think about it that way, I just did it because I thought it was the polite thing to do. While nobody really knows how "God Bless You" became a common saying to a sneeze, it can be taken as a person asking God to bless and heal another brother or sister, which is awesome. Are you praying God's blessings upon others?

Some Simple Words

We went shopping today, which is always an interesting experience being the day after Thanksgiving, and it was fun. I enjoyed the opportunity to just spend some time with my family even though I didn't buy a single thing HAHA! Anyways, as we were shopping, we were in this one store and I saw this piece of art, I guess it would be called art (this thing in a frame). There is a picture of it below, but it said something so simple yet so great! It said, "Having someone to love is family, Having somewhere to go is home, Having both...is a blessing." WOW! Thank you God for people to love who I can call my family, by blood and my friends and thank you for several places that I can call home especially my eternal home with you!

What are you thankful for?

Clarity

Do you ever pray for clarity? I know I have and for some reason still do. I hate the feeling of confusion and just not knowing what is going to happen. Sometimes I wish that I could just look into the future and see what I was going to be, where I was going to live, who I was going to be with and so on. Fortunately, that is not a possibility. Rather I am here and am feeling this state of confusion about everything. There are so many different decisions to make about life that I have no idea what to do or what is going to happen. Thankfully, to Lord does know, and it is in Him that I find rest and comfort. I take joy and comfort in not knowing the future and in knowing that God does and that He is carrying me. So yes, I am confused about everything and it can be frustrating, but the Lord provides and in Him I find peace. I am not restless because the Lord is my shelter, my rock, my comfort!! Where do you find peace?

Drowning

Have you ever thought about what the Bible says about our life before Christ? It says that we are DEAD in our transgressions, not struggling, not floating, but fully submerged and dead! We have already drowned in our sin and Christ comes and breathes life back into us, which is so amazing. I was dead and Christ came and saved me which I am so thankful for. Even though we have been pulled up from the waters, we will continue to struggle, we will keep trying to jump back in and drown ourselves over and over. I don't understand why we do this, but the fact is that we do. This is one of the hardest parts of my life because I feel like I have failed, like I have let God down. I feel like there is no escape from this and that I will continue to struggle. Thankfully, I have been in the arms of grace and do not have to deal with it, rather I give it all to the Lord, EVERY single bit of me is His. In doing so, I yearn to know Him and the Word of God. Since I yearn to know God and his Word, I study it, I live in it and this is what guides my life and drives me. I thirst for the Lord and I hunger to know Him more and I am thankful that He has provided the opportunity for me to do this by reading the Bible and through prayer. My life would be nothing without Christ. The reason I live is because of Jesus, because He sacrificed His life for me, so that I may live abundantly. Yes, sometimes I fall, sometimes I am persecuted, but it is for Christ that I endure all things. I count all of my gain but rubbish for the sake of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord! I live for Him, rather He lives through me! I was already dead before Jesus rescued me, He breathed life back into me and it is now Christ who lives. Are you alive or are you still drowning?

Missions

“Missions is not the ultimate goal of the church. Worship is. Missions exists because worship doesn't.” The latter is a quote from John Piper in discussing the purpose/goal of the church, which is in fact worship. God does not call us as a body to go out and do missions, rather he calls us to worship and exalt His name! This is something that we as the church have missed completely. Pastor J.D. Greer spoke on this last Sunday and he hit it head on. The great commandment according to Matthew 22:35-40 is to love the Lord with all that you have! The latter is what we term worship, which is unfortunately not happening around the world, but this is the ultimate goal of the church/the body of Christ! On the other hand, the great commission Matthew 28:18-20 is to make disciples to all ends of the earth. The Great Commandment is God centered and is completely focused on Him. However, the Great Commission is man centered and is as Piper terms it "a temporary necessity." Since we are not in complete worship with our God, we have been called by Christ to go and to spread His name and to TEACH others that the greatest commandment for them is to be whole-hearted worshipers!! This is what God has called each one of us to be and as we disciple others and are being discipled this is what we are working towards! We are not focusing solely on teaching others how to go out to different nations and preach, which is very important, but we are supposed to be teaching each other how to be in total worship with the Lord at all times in our life. Since worship, as Piper stated, does not exist, yes we are called to go and to teach and to make disciples so that they will become worshipers, not missionaries. If we are in active worship, then others will see Christ through us. Since worship around the world does not exist, God calls each one of us to go make disciples for Him so that they will come to know true worship. I am really excited about this because our BCM has the opportunity to go nationwide and across the world to spread the name of Christ so that others will become worshipers!! I am planning on going to Argentina with them and I cannot wait to see how God will reveal Himself to these people in order to show them that a life of worship is the only true life! Has God called you to go? Are you living a life of Worship?

Old Friends

Since I am at home for the week for Thanksgiving I was able to catch up with some old friends, some from home and others from Caswell. What a blessing it has been to see these people and to just have some fun. This past weekend was Fall Fling at Caswell and it was great to see and hang out with some Caswell folks! We had some good times and got to watch wrestling pay-per-view at Yam's!!! It was so much fun that I cannot wait for Reunion. Oh and I got to go on stage with BDT for one of their dramas and it was awesome! God was moving in some amazing ways and I watched some of the high school guys from my small group make commitments to Christ which was awesome! Tonight I got to play ultimate frisbee with some friends and it was a whole lot of fun. God has blessed my life with some amazing people and I'm glad that I was able to hang out! Who has God blessed your life with?

Fall Retreat

This past weekend was our fall retreat with the youth group at Summit. It was so flippin awesome and I cannot wait for our next trip! I absolutely love hanging out with those kids and sharing the love of Christ with them and watching them grow in their faith. Matt Orth was our speaker and he brought the Gospel to these kids and it was great! Matt Blair was our worship leader and I enjoyed getting to hang out with him and listen to his music and just have the opportunity to worship with him and our students. It was great getting to know the students better and have fun and be able to learn more about Christ. There's a few pictures below of some of the fun we had! Praise God for those students.



Guys vs. Girls football (guys had to be on their knees)

Crying Out

Prayer is so amazing! I have struggled with prayer for the past few weeks now and desire to spend time with my Creator. I was reading a prayer journal that I found in our prayer room and I came across a prayer written February 5, 2002. I read this prayer and fell flat on my face because this anonymous person was crying out for God. There have not been many occasions where I have desperately cried out to God because I so desired Him and needed Him. Here is the prayer: "Father, I pray for guidance. I don't know what to do. I really messed up. I'm so lost. What am I suppose to say? What am I suppose to do? I can't deal with it on my own. I pray you take the burdens away because it hurts. I'm hurting and I don't know how to make it stop. Why? Why is there so much hate? Why no forgiveness? Why pain? Why pain? Why pain? How do I mend a broken heart? All the questions, Lord, that I don't know the answers to. I pray for peace and wisdom that I may understand the questions. Help me Father! In Love and Faith ~J." Are you crying out for the Lord?

Letting Go

At the beginning of the summer for our first Koinonia, we focused on letting go. There is so much in my life that I have refused to let go and continue to hold on to. I said that I was going to let go of everything and give it all up to God, but as I continue to grow closer to him, I realize that I still am holding on tightly to several things. God calls me to give it all up to Him, but for some reason I'm just not trusting Him to provide what he has already promised. Why can I not trust Him? Because I have been holding on so dearly, I have continued to spiral down away from Christ because I feel like I can do things so much better on my own. My time in the Word has dwindled, my prayer life has become scarce, and it's all because I hide it all within and think I can handle it on my own. Prayer is the most powerful thing I've ever experienced, and it is through prayer that God desires to have a relationship with me. Back to letting go of things...I've been holding onto some feelings for so long because I knew it was what I desired, but I completely left God out of the picture. I have been holding onto these feelings hoping and wishing that something would come about and have focused on those feelings for so long that I refused to allow God to show me where I was supposed to be. I was listening to some music of Jeremy Camp and Shawn McDonald and they both have amazing songs entitled "Letting Go." God was telling me straight up to finally let go of what I've held onto so dear and to completely trust in Him to show me the way and to trust in the promises He has given, especially when it comes to relationships. The following lines are from Jeremy Camp's song, "I have been brought to a place Where I want to give up everything Where all I can do is seek your face The brokenness I will bring Letting Go Of the things I hold so dear Letting Go Of all my pain and all my fears Letting Go Of the Things I hold so dear Letting Go Of all my pain and all my fears holding onto the things I deem so strong Holding on even though I know I've held on too long." Oh man, talk about a slap in the face!! I know that I have to let go of these things, these feelings, and completely trust the Lord and know that he will provide and that He has promised so much and that He can and will forever and always redeem. I am letting go of the things I've held so dear. What are you still holding on to?

Desire

Once you get into college, life suddenly changes. All of sudden you have about 4 years to figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life! No pressure! HAHA. We have desires to do a ton of thing so how do we figure out what God wants us to do. If we are walking with the Lord and spending time with Him then the desires that are in our heart are the desires that God has put there. The best part about this is that I have found my passions/desires, which are working with youth and I have decided to become a high school teacher. But, what I don't know is where I will end up/want to teach. All through college it has been hard to figure out what exactly I want to do for the rest of my life which has been great because God has been keeping me on my toes which has made me rely on Him so much! I know my gift is working with kids/youth and I know for a fact that these desires are derived from the Lord, which brings joy to my life. Don't stress out because you might not know exactly what you want to do, rather trust in the Lord and have faith that he will reveal Himself and will place desires in your life. What desires has God placed in you?

Why I love StudentLife

So this video was done by one of our former students and now one of our middle school leaders, Blaine. He is flippin hilarious. This is what keeps us entertained at youth at Summit! People want to know why I love working with the youth so much, well that is why! HAHA! Laughter is so amazing, it definitely rejuvinates me. Great job with the video guys!

An Amazing Night

Thursday night we went to the Dave Barnes and Matt Wertz concert which was just awesome! I had a great time with some great people listening to some of the best music ever!! The video above is just a little sample of what you missed out on and how I felt. WOW!!! The concert was amazing and I thoroughly enjoyed listening to their music. Although I was with some wonderful people, I couldn't stop thinking about somebody. I couldn't get them off my mind. This person introduced me to the music of Matt Wertz, Dave Barnes and various other amazing artists that are simply awesome! I miss this person like crazy and every time I listen to most of those artists I can't help but to be reminded of her! Music has become a part of my life and I don't know what I would do without music! It is a way of expression and most importantly a way of worship. It reminds me of some amazing people who in turn point me straight to the cross. I love the fact that music is everywhere and is so amazing and reminds me of some of the most amazing people ever! If only music could bring those people here with me, but the memories and their beautiful faces will always be with me until God allows our paths to cross again. How does music influence your life?

Passion

So, I have been thinking about this for a while now and just can't get it out of my head. To start, there is just no way to explain spending a summer at Caswell, or even spending a weekend with some amazing Caswell people. After being around Caswell and around the people that work at Caswell so much, I guess you could say that I've been spoiled. Being around those people has truly revolutionized my life and the way of worship. While at Caswell you can watch and experience some of the most passionate worship ever! It is truly an inexplicable thing. A couple examples of this was just listening to voices echoing in exaltation around the room, or in the streets on a rainy night with songs of praise echoing through the forts and the night. If that wasn't enough to show the passion of worship, imagine sitting around a room or a campfire and having random conversations and then all of a sudden breaking out into praise and worship songs glorifying our Lord. The latter in its entirety is true passionate out of the soul worship. I've thought about this lately because I long for everyone to experience that passionate worship, and it is difficult to find Christians that that are unashamed of their love for Christ to truly worship Him. Most of the time we are too caught up in what others think about us, or how we look to others that we don't truly worship our King. We are told in the Word to rejoice and take joy in the Lord, which if we did it would turn into amazing passionate worship. Are you taking joy in the Lord and passionately worshipping?

Loss

So it has been a while since I've written and a lot has happened. First, today September 13, 2007 my great grandma passed away. Our family was really close to her and it was hard to deal with at first but I know that she is in the presence of our Lord and find joy in that. The prayers and love of my friends and family has been absolutely amazing and much appreciated. It is comforting to know that so many people care about you enough to pray for you. Thank you to all of you who have been unselfish in your prayers and in your love.

Since I've written last I have began my junior year at school and it is shaping up to be another great semester. Unfortunately, sometimes I tend to take on too much and just keep going and doing everything that I can. I have been reaching the burn out point and have realized that it is time to slow down, and take some time for myself. I have been trying to do everything that I can that I get so caught up in everything else that I forget about God's plans for me and I even forget about taking time to rest. Why is it that I keep taking on more things and at times I even find it hard to just say no. When I know that I don't have time or the ability to do something I don't say no, instead I just keep going. As I continue to think about this I am reminded of Psalm 46:10 which says, "Be still and know that I am God." WOW! Something that I have definitely not been doing lately. Just be still and know that God is and that God has his arms around me and is taking care of me. Are you still going?

Getting our attention

So many times in my life I have been so caught up in myself and the things that I just think that I have to do I forget about God and His plans for me. Why is it that we so often get caught up in our lives and the plans we have that we forget about God? We get so distracted with our life that we don't see God and the things He tells us to do and the opportunities that He gives us. When we get distracted like this, He has to get our attention and get us focused on Him again. Sometimes this may mean a loss of somebody or a loss of some thing, but God has a meaning for all things. Monday 8/6 is a day that Caswell will remember for a long time. A church group was on the way down to Caswell and about 20 miles away from their church, they got into an accident and one of their leaders died. Also on that same day, two of my friends, one of which worked at Caswell full-time, were in an accident. Through all things God had a purpose. As Caswell was coming to an end, we were beginning to get into a routine and forget about why we had come together. These accidents brought our staff back together as the body of Christ and united us once again in prayer and song. As we sang and prayed around the house the group was to stay at, it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. There are times that we may be selfish and grow apart from our brothers and sisters but God brings us back together in order to praise and glorify His name. I am often reminded of the poem about the footprints and how there were two sets of footprints and during hard times there were only one because Jesus was carrying me. When I think about my life I think about when I wasn't a Christian how there were two sets of footprints away from each other, but then when I fully understood what it meant to follow Christ I only saw one set of footprints. Those were the footprints of Jesus the Christ because it is no longer I who live, but Christ; for I am dead to this world, it is Christ who lives through me. Are you too distracted with your life? Are there still two sets of separated footprints?

Accountability and Encouragement

So we so often talk about how we should have accountability and encouragement in our lives and that we should hold each other accountable and always encourage/up lift each other. Well I've been thinking about this a lot this summer/year and realize that we have no idea what it means to encourage or keep each other accountable. Stuart Hall was the speaker this past week and he spoke on this one night. His words were profound and I knew that God was finally showing me what it meant to be encouraging and to keep somebody accountable. What Stuart said was that to encourage somebody does not mean to simply say, "Love ya" or "you can do it, keep going." But more than that; it means to lay your life down in front of that person. To keep somebody accountable we must lay our lives aside and stop at nothing to get that person on the right track or to help them stop doing what they're doing. That's what it means to be accountable. I can attest to that, and if there weren't people in my life that put themselves aside and continually were on my back about things, then I would not be where I am today. Accountability does not always have to be between two guys or two girls, while you can get more personal with those, it is also meant to be in a relationship. As I talked about in my last post, true Love has many facets and accountability and encouragement are some of them. This is because in order to Love somebody one must be willing to lay their life down for the better of that person. Another thing that comes along with this is that in order to truly be accountable you have to care more about that person than you do the relationship/friendship that you have with them. If you care more about the relationship/friendship that you have with them then you will never be able to keep that person accountable because you are more worried about the response of that person instead of what that person is doing. "Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the Law of Christ" ~Galatians 6:2~ Are you bearing the burden's of those around you or are you more worried about losing your socially bound friendship?

True Love

So what is Love? It's funny to think about how many things that we say we love. The English language has taken the word love and applied to many different things and unfortunately when it comes to the love between a man and a woman, it has lost its meaning. Love has so many meanings in today's society but what is true love between a man and a woman? In order to figure this out we must look to the Bible. In the Greek language there are several different words for our English word 'love.' The main three used to describe the love between a man and a woman are 'raya,' 'ahava,' and 'dod.' Raya literally translates as a friend or a companion, which is the basis of a love relationship. If there is no friendship and there is no companionship then there is no relationship. I have many rayas in my life but that is the only facet of love that we have. Ahava translates as love of the will. This means making a decision to join your life to the life of another. This is an emotion that leads to a commitment. In order to truly experience love we(men) are told to give up our lives for our wife as Christ did for the church (Ephesians 5:25-33); the wife gets to submit but the husband gets to die. Finally, there is dod. Dod means to carouse, rock, or to fondle. This is the physical, sexual element to a relationship that God designed for marriage. Without all three aspects listed above, it is hard to have true love in a marriage as God intended for us to have. One of the things that I have been taught to do, and it is amazing, is to turn to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and to replace the word 'love' with my name and see if I have the attributes listed. God has called us to have those things in order to love. Are you ready to love?

Empty Worship

For one of our devotions we were huddled in the attic of one of the buildings in the dark in order to hide from the persecutors who were after us. During this time we began singing and we continued to sing louder and louder until we got to the last song and the doors below us began to slam and people were screaming and trying to find us. And then somebody busted through the attic door and said, "You Christians, why do you take your freedom to worship for granted?" Now of course this was all planned out and was a simulation of something that could actually happen, but it made me think about how we worship. I came to the conclusion that our worship has become empty. There are so many times that we will sing 'praise and worship' songs and not even know what we are saying, but are just singing because it is fun and we like the song. If we actually paid attention to the words that we were singing then we would realize how empty our worship is and how amazing God is. Don't get me wrong I love to sing and to have fun just as much as the next person, but in all things God has called us to worship Him, and to give Him glory and honor. Another thing that is prevalent in our lives is the fact that many of us can be fake or wear masks as others may say. So many of us do this and it is a shame that we do. God has not called us to be perfect people or to live perfect lives. Even Jesus said that we will face trials and tribulations and that we are all sinners saved by the Grace of God. God wants us to be real with Him and with those around us. He doesn't want us to hide what is going on in our lives. He has put other people in our lives in order to help us through our struggles. We have got to quit being fake and to tear off the masks and just be real with each other. Once we do that our worship will no longer be empty. Is your worship empty?

Interpretation?

Again I was talking to some people the other day after our devotion. For part of our devotion we watched one of the Nooma videos by Rob Bell, entitled Dust. These videos are amazing and great and I have enjoyed being exposed to them. Anyways, during part of the discussion they were talking about how different people will 'interpret' the Bible according to their lives. Well I got to thinking about how much I dislike the word 'interpretation'. The reason I do not like to use the word 'interpretation' is because it makes it seem as if the Bible could have many many many different meanings where as it has one meaning and that is one total truth. As I was thinking I decided that the most appropriate word to use in these situations is 'application.' I chose 'application' because the Word of God is truth, but it is applied to peoples lives differently. Therefore, instead of saying that people have different interpretations of the Bible, I feel as if it is better or more appropriate to say that the Word of God is truth but different people have different applications of the Word in their lives. Are you interpreting the Gospel or are you seeking and applying it to your life?

Please bow your heads...

I was talking with some people the other day after one of our devotions and I got to thinking about prayer. I was thinking about how awesome prayer is and that it is cool that God can hear our thoughts and our voices and desires to have conversation with us and wants us to cry out to him. When I got to thinking about it, I was thinking about how before people pray they usually ask others to bow their heads as they go to the Lord in prayer. Well I pondered on this for a while and was thinking why is it that we bow our heads and close our eyes? So many people say to do this because one can concentrate better/easier, but what is the real reason we bow our heads and close our eyes? In order to find this answer we have to go back and think about the days of Jesus and before. When people would praise or pray to Jesus/God they would fall to their knees and bow their heads to honor the Lord to show that they surrender and completely worship Him. This is evident in other religions such as Islam/Muslim. Have you ever thought about the fact that to fall on your knees and to bow in prayer is to show complete surrender and honor to our Lord? It is a shame that we have become so prideful and forgetful that we no longer fall to our knees and cry out to the Lord to show that we surrender to Him. I am just as guilty of this as the next person, but how amazing and uplifting would it be to show God that we surrender to His will and that we fall to our knees and bow our heads to show Him honor and to put ourselves aside so that all the glory and all the praise is His. Are you surrendering?

The summer begins...

So we are about 4 weeks into the summer here at Caswell, and I have to say that it has been absolutely awesome! God has been doing great things, as always, in the lives of the campers and the staffers. There have already been hundreds of decisions made and a couple of those have been of the staff. That is one of the most encouraging things to see. The other night, it was the last night of camp for the campers, the youth were on fire for Christ and it was such an awesome thing to witness. They were so pumped up and were giving all the praise to God and to see such things was so encouraging and uplifting. I wish that everybody could come and see the things that God is doing here. He is continuing to work through and in us and I cannot wait to see what the rest of the summer is going to be like, but I know one thing for sure; God is awesome and the loving grace of Christ is the greatest thing I've ever experienced.

Intentions

Tonight was yet another amazing night! I have the great opportunity to attend the Phil Wickham, Shane & Shane concert. (Shawn McDonald was supposed to be there but his wife had a baby and he couldn't attend.) Going into the weekend and the night of the concert, I was being selfish and was focused on myself more than thinking about worship. I continued to think about hanging out with my friends, catching up, and meeting others instead of purposely seeking the Gospel and actively being in worship and prayer. As the night continued we went to the concert and Phil and Shane & Shane straight up rocked our faces off! My favorite songs of the night were "Divine Romance" by Phil Wickham and "I Miss You" by Shane & Shane, which almost broke me down in tears so I definitely suggest you finding that song and listening to it!! More importantly God basically slapped me across the face. The whole concert was awesome and it was an amazing night of worship. The songs that we sang just made me think about my relationship with Christ and the things that He has done in my life and how He has blessed me so greatly. I realized how the whole night and for a while now that I've been being so foolish and have been rather selfish/self-minded lately and not being in continuous prayer and worship. Instead of seeking God and His worship and love, I had been more interested and focused on the people around me. My intentions were elsewhere and not focused where they should have been, and singing in worship with the hundreds of people at the concert and hearing the words being sung was an amazing experience and I thank God that He loved us so much that He sent Jesus to die on the cross for us!! God was definitely present tonight at that concert and it was a well needed wake-up call to stop being selfish and to be in continuous worship and prayer. What are your intentions?

National Day of Prayer

Tonight was amazing! Instead of having our normal youth night, we had a night devoted to prayer. Thursday (tomorrow) is national prayer day therefore we devoted the entire night of youth to prayer. Let me just say, watching and listening the youth lead each other in prayer was simply amazing!! There were several of the adults that got up and spoke about the Summit Church's mission statement, "Love God, Love Each Other, Love the World" and then allowed the youth to respond by breaking into groups to pray. Witnessing these kids, mainly the younger middle school crowd, lead each other in a time of prayer and response to God was awesome! That was one of the most encouraging things I have ever seen. When you think about a night of prayer within youth, you tend to think about the adults leading the youth and not the youth leading each other. I have to say that the members of this youth group have encouraged me and are an amazing group of kids and it is evident that God is working in and through their lives and He will use them to do great things not only in Durham but throughout our state, country, and world. To witness them submitting themselves to God's will has been a blessing and they have impacted my life greatly. Have you submitted everything to God?

Spring Fling and Planning Weekend

This past weekend was spring fling and planning weekend at Caswell. Unfortunately I was unable to participate in any of the spring fling stuff since I was pretty much in a meeting all weekend for summer staff planning. It was an amazing weekend and we got a whole lot of stuff done and planned out for the summer. It was fun because I was able to hang out with the other three members of the Key Leadership team and get a glimpse of what the summer is going to look like. I cannot wait for the summer to get here, but first I have to finish up the last bit of the semester and the five finals that stand in my way. One of the things that God continues to show me is that I shouldn't be so anxious and looking to the future so often, but rather focus on the here and now, for if I am focused on the summer I will miss the opportunities He has given me. I am often reminded of Matthew 6:34 ""So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Are you being too anxious and looking too much at the future?

Who ordered the snow?

WOW what a crazy Easter weekend! As you read I spent Easter weekend in Ohio with my family. Well the weather was ridiculous in Ohio! We got about 3 feet of snow and it was pretty flippin amazing. Since we didn't get much snow for Christmas it was great to see all the snow for Easter! We got to go to Opening Day at Jacobs Field in Cleveland (for those who don't know that is the Indians baseball field). Anyways it snowed like crazy during the game and eventually because of all the white outs and delays they cancelled the game, one pitch/one strike away from a complete game! Even though they cancelled the game it was still a lot of fun especially since I got to go with my dad and brother. It has been a long time since we've gone to a ball game together so it was a great time. Now I am back in Chapel Hill with the warmer weather and the tons of school work! UGH! But in about a month I'll be about of school and at the beach with some of the greatest people at Caswell!!! I can't wait! Well through everything I think it is clear that God is amazing!

Catching up...

Wow it has been way too long since I've written!! So a lot has occurred over the past two months so let me catch you up on the things God has been showing me...

The month of March was packed full of amazing things. To begin, the first weekend of March we had Metamorphosis with the Summit youth, which is basically just a D-Now. It was great; we had about 70 students attend and I got to hang out with 6th grade boys all weekend and just be crazy! We had a western dance thing that they actually hired some old guy to be the DJ/caller for about an hour and I have to say it was a whole lot of fun. Oh and did I mention that we all looked ridiculous in our "western/country gear." HAHA that's the first time that I've ever dressed up anything like western and I wasn't really all decked out, it was a cowboy hat, bandanna, and blue jeans (there's a picture on facebook). Anyways, it was just a whole lot of fun! Saturday night we had a guest speaker come in and several youth made decisions to follow Christ, which was AWESOME!! Also, there were about 6 or 7 youth, all middle schoolers, that have decided that they are being called into ministry. How amazing and encouraging is that! To hear these middle schoolers say that they want to devote their lives to Christ in every way is so awesome.

About a week later it was already spring break! For spring break I went with 23 others from our BSU to Gulfport, Mississippi. Words cannot explain what was seen and the people there. We worked on a house that had not been touched since the storm. Our job was to pretty much demolish the house so that another group could come in and rebuild. The house belonged to a guy named Jack. The house was his mothers, but she passed after some time and his house across the street was completely torn apart by the storm. Jack had told us that he had lost all hope and that when he saw us young people giving up our week to come help, it lifted his spirits and renewed his hope and faith. It was very encouraging and uplifting to hear Jack speak to us and I thank God that we had the opportunity to meet and talk to Jack. A couple of the things that we learned/took with us was that our job there was just like what God does in our lives, meaning that he has to break us down and tear us apart in order to rebuild us in Christ. Also, that when it seems like there is no hope and we have nothing left, God is there and He lifts us up and carries us through and shows us that in Him there is always hope. And finally, many of us had been bitten by a million bugs, cut by a board or by a nail, but all those cuts, bruises, and scrapes put together don't amount to those that provide us with salvation, those scars, cuts, punctures, and bruises that Jesus the Christ suffered for us are eternal and bring us salvation.

Moving along, the weekend after spring break I went to Charlotte to Idlewild Baptist Church to lead a D-Now. Yet another amazing weekend with youth, that God allowed me to be a part of. I got to hang out with some great guys and really got to see God at work in their lives. We had some great discussions and Saturday night I was the guest speaker. This was the first time that I have ever actually preached for a group before, and let me just say I loved it!! I was asked to speak about repentance and salvation, so I began by giving part of my testimony and then continued to preach. Once I finished speaking, an invitation was given and a couple of the youth decided to follow Christ, and others made rededications. Again another powerful thing that God allowed me to be a part of.

Now here we are, one week later and school has been ridiculous and I've been running around being busy all day every day. Besides all that I am now in Ohio and the weather is CRAZY! It was about 84 in NC when I left and here it is about 25 and it is a freaking blizzard! Anyways, we came for Easter, and to see my family. More importantly we came to see my great grandmother who is in an intensive car unit. She is about 95 years old and knows that God is calling her home soon. We are really close with her and even though it is hard to let her go she has been so encouraging in keeping her faith and praying in times of pain. It will be sad and hard to see her go but I know that she will be going to a better place and will be with God. She too knows this and is ready to be with our Savior. All she has asked for is prayer and I know that Christ is with her.

So now you are caught up with everything that has gone on in the past two months and I will try to keep updating regularly, mainly so that Shannon can have something to read! God is awesome and when you least expect it He will find you! Stay encouraged and actively seek the Gospel in your life! Are you allowing God to work in and through you?

Being a light

Again, it has been forever since I've been able to sit and write or even think. Life has been busy but I do it all for the glory of God. So I am playing basketball (don't worry I don't do much because of my ankle) for IM with our BSU and it is in the intermediate league which is really hard. Even though it is a little difficult, we are there to portray Christ and to show His love to others. The first night we played, one of the refs was talking to another ref before the game and said "There's something different about that team, I don't know what but there is." A couple minutes later he saw us praying before the game and he then knew what was different about us. All throughout the game, he was obviously watching us, but at the end we prayed with the other team and we were given the amazing opportunity to share Christ with several people including this ref who has been struggling with his faith for a while. He said that he was so happy to finally meet some people who are showing the love of Christ around this campus. Each week we continue to get dominated on the basketball court, but we do for the sake of Christ, in order to spread His name and His love. It is an amazing experience to be able to share the love of Christ with others and to spread the Gospel. God has given us so much and He doesn't ask much in return. "I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ" ~Philippians 3:4~ I sacrifice it all for the gain of Christ, so that I may be a light unto this dark world. Are you being a light to those around you?

Fear

So I have been thinking a lot about life and a lot of other things lately and I thought about why I do or don't do things. I put more thought into the latter, being about why I don't do things. I thought a whole lot about it and the one reason I came up with why I don't do certain things is because of fear. Simply and only because of fear. There are points in my life where I will not approach somebody because of fear, fear of what, I have no idea. Sometimes I will not talk to somebody about my faith because I fear their judgment or what they may say to me. Why on earth would or should I be afraid of doing such a thing?!? I know that God is with me every step of the way so then what is there to be afraid of? As it is written, "The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?" ~Psalm 27:1~ Therefore, there is nothing in this world that I should be afraid of doing because I know my God is with me. One more thing that I find myself being fearful of doing is discussing or telling somebody how I truly feel about them. This is something that is the hardest for me mainly because I fear being rejected. I have held in so many feelings (particularly over the summer and last semester) solely because of that fact, because I don't want to experience another heart break. What am I to fear when I know that God has accepted me and will never stop loving me and that He will always be here with His arms opened wide. No longer will I fear doing anything because I know God is with me. I will not let fear of anything hold me back from talking to, approaching, or letting somebody know how I feel. I will put up with whatever cost I have to put up with, because the cost of doing nothing is even greater. Are you doing nothing?

Giving it all away

At church yesterday our pastor's message was all about giving, and not only monetary giving, giving 100% of all you have to God. On top of that, the Sunday school class that I taught for the 6th grade boys was the parable of Jesus and the rich man, where Jesus tells him in order to follow him he must give up everything he owns. Between Sunday school and church and during the sermon, I thought long and hard about how much of myself/my life I've given to God. He wants everything from us including the burdens. He has already given us so much and He asks just a little bit in return. I thought about the areas of my life that I was selfishly withholding from God and not allowing Him to take control. I've realized that what I have wouldn't be possible if it were not for God's love, mercy, and grace. Who am I to try to withhold anything from the one who has provided it for me. It is through Him that all things are possible.

The other night we went bowling and it was the cosmic bowling thing which is really fun and you all should go and do it! Anyways at one point in the night I decided to just take a step back and just watch and see how my friends interacted with each other. I began to think about how others view me and the things that I do and how I interact with others. One of the points of our preacher's sermon yesterday was about Christians' actual beliefs. He used an equation that fits perfectly, actions + stated beliefs = actual beliefs. It is not enough to only state that I am a Christian and that I believe in Jesus Christ, but I have to put that into action and others should be able to observe me and know that by the way I act that there is something different about me and that that is the fact that I am a Christian. Therefore, it is by my actions that most people will be able to know that I am a Christian because there are so many more people that watch/see you and the things you do than you will be able to speak to. Just something to think about. Are you withholding anything from God? How do others see you?

Reason

So it has definitely been a good while since I've been able to sit down and write. In the past few weeks a lot has happened in my life. First, let me say that Christmas break is just way too short and I didn't get to see as many people as I had hoped. On the other hand Caswell Summer Staff was simply amazing, but again I missed not getting to see a few people, especially one that I hung out with all summer long (Shannon)!! Anyways besides the fact that I miss them, this has been a couple of interesting weeks.

That being said, my reasoning for writing these blogs is to first and foremost bring praise and glory to God, but I write to record my thoughts and experiences of my life that I am going through or those that I see others going through around me. These blogs are for me so that I can look back on them and see how God is working in my life and how He is using me. The questions or statements that I write are again directed towards myself so that I can see where I was and the troubles I was facing in my life at that time. The experiences that I recount are true and are not meant to be disrespectful or hurtful to anybody, they are merely there to help and to show that other people are going through similar things that you may experience. If some will perceive me to be a hypocrite then so be it, but keep in mind that nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes and screw up. It is by God's grace that I am able to be who I am today and have the people I do in my life. I thank Him for that and appreciate everyone who is around me. It is my hope that I am being an example of Christ and I would hope that the things I type will also help others and if anybody would like to talk to me about anything I write or do I would be more than happy to speak with you especially if it is something you disagree with me on, I would rather you speak with me than post an anonymous negative comment. May God continue to bless every one of you and I pray that He continues to use me for the betterment of His Kingdom.