Fear

So I have been thinking a lot about life and a lot of other things lately and I thought about why I do or don't do things. I put more thought into the latter, being about why I don't do things. I thought a whole lot about it and the one reason I came up with why I don't do certain things is because of fear. Simply and only because of fear. There are points in my life where I will not approach somebody because of fear, fear of what, I have no idea. Sometimes I will not talk to somebody about my faith because I fear their judgment or what they may say to me. Why on earth would or should I be afraid of doing such a thing?!? I know that God is with me every step of the way so then what is there to be afraid of? As it is written, "The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?" ~Psalm 27:1~ Therefore, there is nothing in this world that I should be afraid of doing because I know my God is with me. One more thing that I find myself being fearful of doing is discussing or telling somebody how I truly feel about them. This is something that is the hardest for me mainly because I fear being rejected. I have held in so many feelings (particularly over the summer and last semester) solely because of that fact, because I don't want to experience another heart break. What am I to fear when I know that God has accepted me and will never stop loving me and that He will always be here with His arms opened wide. No longer will I fear doing anything because I know God is with me. I will not let fear of anything hold me back from talking to, approaching, or letting somebody know how I feel. I will put up with whatever cost I have to put up with, because the cost of doing nothing is even greater. Are you doing nothing?

Giving it all away

At church yesterday our pastor's message was all about giving, and not only monetary giving, giving 100% of all you have to God. On top of that, the Sunday school class that I taught for the 6th grade boys was the parable of Jesus and the rich man, where Jesus tells him in order to follow him he must give up everything he owns. Between Sunday school and church and during the sermon, I thought long and hard about how much of myself/my life I've given to God. He wants everything from us including the burdens. He has already given us so much and He asks just a little bit in return. I thought about the areas of my life that I was selfishly withholding from God and not allowing Him to take control. I've realized that what I have wouldn't be possible if it were not for God's love, mercy, and grace. Who am I to try to withhold anything from the one who has provided it for me. It is through Him that all things are possible.

The other night we went bowling and it was the cosmic bowling thing which is really fun and you all should go and do it! Anyways at one point in the night I decided to just take a step back and just watch and see how my friends interacted with each other. I began to think about how others view me and the things that I do and how I interact with others. One of the points of our preacher's sermon yesterday was about Christians' actual beliefs. He used an equation that fits perfectly, actions + stated beliefs = actual beliefs. It is not enough to only state that I am a Christian and that I believe in Jesus Christ, but I have to put that into action and others should be able to observe me and know that by the way I act that there is something different about me and that that is the fact that I am a Christian. Therefore, it is by my actions that most people will be able to know that I am a Christian because there are so many more people that watch/see you and the things you do than you will be able to speak to. Just something to think about. Are you withholding anything from God? How do others see you?

Reason

So it has definitely been a good while since I've been able to sit down and write. In the past few weeks a lot has happened in my life. First, let me say that Christmas break is just way too short and I didn't get to see as many people as I had hoped. On the other hand Caswell Summer Staff was simply amazing, but again I missed not getting to see a few people, especially one that I hung out with all summer long (Shannon)!! Anyways besides the fact that I miss them, this has been a couple of interesting weeks.

That being said, my reasoning for writing these blogs is to first and foremost bring praise and glory to God, but I write to record my thoughts and experiences of my life that I am going through or those that I see others going through around me. These blogs are for me so that I can look back on them and see how God is working in my life and how He is using me. The questions or statements that I write are again directed towards myself so that I can see where I was and the troubles I was facing in my life at that time. The experiences that I recount are true and are not meant to be disrespectful or hurtful to anybody, they are merely there to help and to show that other people are going through similar things that you may experience. If some will perceive me to be a hypocrite then so be it, but keep in mind that nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes and screw up. It is by God's grace that I am able to be who I am today and have the people I do in my life. I thank Him for that and appreciate everyone who is around me. It is my hope that I am being an example of Christ and I would hope that the things I type will also help others and if anybody would like to talk to me about anything I write or do I would be more than happy to speak with you especially if it is something you disagree with me on, I would rather you speak with me than post an anonymous negative comment. May God continue to bless every one of you and I pray that He continues to use me for the betterment of His Kingdom.